Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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