It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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