i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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