The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
