We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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