Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You made out with two different species that night
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
