Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
