Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
