in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My vagina just clenched in fear
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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