honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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