I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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