i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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