I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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