btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
