Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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