Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
