everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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