It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
