Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
