Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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