smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
