Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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