Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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