when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
