i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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