we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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