I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
