new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
