new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
farters have to be the big spoon...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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