I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
