While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
