that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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