i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
