While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
