I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think my vagina is haunted
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize