walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
