So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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