oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
