everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
