Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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