We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
