dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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