If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
