i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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