I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
