hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
