i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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