I got chris browned last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
