lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
