That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
