I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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