I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just had sex on a roof
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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