I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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