SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
