So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
