Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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