Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
