Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize