I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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