Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
