he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
