There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
