When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
