She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
