It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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