Whatcha textin bout Willis?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
