my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
