Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
