I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
