I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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