I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Couch. On fire.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
