You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
