I think I won the penis lottery.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best revenge is premature balding
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize