He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
