dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
