What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
