Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
