just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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