So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
