i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
being pregnant is like rehab
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
