just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
