Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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