Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
