Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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