Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wannas sexs uuuuu
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
