The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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