It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
