i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
