He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
