If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
