After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
