Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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