He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
